Are you lonely?
Are you stuck in a relationship that’s gone flat? Is that person on the other side of the bed, or the table, or the room, just not right for you?
Do you want to find someone special to give your love to?
I have three kids all in their young adulthood. This is what I tell them in order to find someone they might just want to give their love, and their life to.
Here’s how to stop wasting time with losers and find the man or woman of your dreams by the third date. It won’t take any longer than that, and you’ll be 99.9% sure, if you ask yourself these four questions about them:
- Are they awake, or asleep? By this I mean are they the kind of person who takes their life seriously, or not? Someone humble enough to recognize that, like the rest of us, their lifespan is short and personal power is limited, but also courageous enough, like a few of us, to make the most of themselves in the time they’ve been granted? Do they know themselves well enough–strengths, weaknesses, and preferences–to know you are right for them? Or are they still asleep, and hoping you might simply be someone who is willing to come along and feed them and change their diapers and tuck them in and make them comfortable while they snooze? Stay away.
- Are they a giver, or a taker? Is their basic orientation to other people to serve, or to be served? Maybe you think life is all about “give and take.” You’d be getting warmer, but not quite spot on. What you want is a giver who is also a receiver. Receivers have no expectation of getting, but are open to your giving and often slightly surprised and always grateful for it. On the other hand, it’s easy to spot a taker. They have decided that they are the core of the universe. Everything, including you, is an object to be manipulated to their own satisfaction. Manipulation is the use of power to dominate others. It takes many forms. It can be jealous, angry, or violent. More often, it masquerades as diabolical seduction, or bribery, or some other form of deception. Givers are better than takers, but watch out for the “pure giver;” they are often takers in disguise. Think about people who need to give in order to place you in their debt. Back away carefully.
- Are they authentic, or fake? Do they love themselves, faults and all? Have they forgiven themselves for being human, and therefor imperfect? Do they accept themselves, and see themselves as acceptable? Look for this marker of authenticity: if they are grateful for their blessings, they are. If not, they will find it impossible to love and accept and be grateful for the blessing of you. Walk away.
- Are they growing, or dying? I know, this sounds a bit stark. But in this universe, it’s one or the other. Are they responding to the universe as it unfolds around them, and adapting to the changes brought about by age, challenges, and others’ needs? That’s called “response-ability.” Or are they avoiding short-term pain and discomfort by staying inside their comfort zone and refusing to grow? That’s called “slow death.” Slow death always ends up creating far more pain than was ever avoided, and not just for them, but for anyone around them, especially their lovers. Beware. Never get caught in the gravity field of someone else’s slow death. It’s a black hole. Run away.
That’s it. Never go out with someone casually. Always evaluate their behavior against these four questions. Love everyone, even the broken ones, with that universal regard and respect that rules the universe. But never love someone romantically until you’ve answered these four questions to your satisfaction.